A relationship is a dance. As with any dance, one person leads and the other person follows. For the majority of women, they are most comfortable in the follower position, but only once they trust and feel safe.
Women are often found controlling the money, vacation plans, rules of the house and other areas because they do not trust their partner to do it in a way that protects their interests, which also include the interests of their children, if applicable. However, when a woman decides to trust her partner to take care of the areas she doesn’t have to, she can relax and feel cared for and protected. Women most often choose to direct their man and make the rules only in an effort to feel safe. Letting go of control feels amazing, once safety is no longer a concern.
In general, men are comfortable directing in areas that can feel taxing to women. Yet a man can only lead the dance if his woman will follow. If a man’s dance partner takes the lead, in order to feel safe, she has stripped her man of his masculine influence. This may be the greatest common factor damaging marriages today! This problem begins when a woman rigidly judges her man’s performance without room for error. As soon as a woman feels a man is doing a bad job, she stops following. There are better responses. The most important thing for woman to learn is how to share with her partner what she needs, so he can provide it.
There are exceptions to the common structure of this dance. Some couples are more balanced with the woman being more masculine in thought and direction while the man is more feminine by following her lead. Polarity, one masculine and one feminine, is the common force in a healthy couple dynamic. So, find the polarity that best serves you. For the majority of women, a strong masculine force is preferable, although the modern world may be changing that norm.
Once each partner falls securely into their prospective role as the masculine protector or the yielding feminine radiance, then the relationship can thrive without struggling for power. This must happen at least in part or at times for the sexual attraction to be strong. As a result, the woman is less overwhelmed and burdened with the left-brain activities of the masculine leader. She can flourish and be true to her goals and contributions to the world and her marriage. She can use her left brain to contribute instead of to protect.
The No.1 step that must occur for this dance to work is for the woman to learn to trust her man. If he lies to her, cheats on her or does things to compromise their well-being such as gamble away the income, she will not be able to reach a place of trust and therefore will not be able to be lead. Trust includes honesty; two people being real with each other. Without honesty, trust cannot flourish.
The majority of men, however, are worthy of a woman’s trust, given the right encouragement and opportunity to prove themselves. If a man is truly in love, he is inspired by his woman to be the best man he can be, especially when she encourages him with her respect and kindness.
If your man is what you and your family call a “good guy,” then you can certainly learn to trust him, unless your ability to trust anyone is broken. Sometimes a man may be doing everything he can to earn your trust and be willing to protect you fully, but you won’t allow him because of things that happened before you met him.
Trusting your man is all about vulnerability. Once your man knows every secret about you, then he could manipulate you, or take advantage. That is why you must trust him first in order to show him your vulnerability. Until then, your walls are up, like a tight bud.