Inner relationship stress can greatly limit your intimate pleasure and prevent an orgasm on a particular night. It could be caused by emotional tension or negative thoughts, but it will stop you from having fun. Yes, it is possible to have a good orgasm while you are feeling some angst, provided that your brain doesn’t get in your way, but you won’t have a great orgasm, or the Big O, while you’re tense. Big, bad orgasms require you to LET GO. You must release, relax, breathe, be present, enjoy, release, open, breathe, relax, open, yes, yes, yes, that’s the way!!
That is difficult to do with a headache, neck ache, stomach ache or whatever aches when you are holding tension. Tension is resistance, even when it is directed at a partner. As much as possible it is important to except your partner for who he is and allow him to act like a man.
I know, I know; easier said than done. It may take your lifetime, perhaps, to learn to accept who your partner is and what he does, and not allow it to cause you distress. Knowing that this is the goal, you can work toward less resistance.
Your man can help you release tension by providing a safe, comfortable, non-judgmental environment for you to express yourself and your needs. In order for you to truly shine your feminine beauty, you must feel safe in expressing your unique, amazing, ever-changing, beautiful self without judgment.
Men sometimes think that they know what is best for you, but occasionally their ideas limit who you are naturally. You will want to balance what your lover thinks is best for you with your own decisions. It is a process to be honed and practiced between couples.
Practice letting things go. If you hold on to every little offense and some of the big ones, you will destroy your health, happiness and sex life completely. Learn to let it go. Release, relax, breathe, open and achieve bliss! Life is short. Love is hard to find. Look for the good in life. Acknowledge the good in your man and overlook his shortcomings!
When you fell in love with your man, you fell for a reason, other than simple magnetism. The man you fell in love with was your hero in some way, like a white knight on a great white horse. He was going to be a great father, or he was intelligent and stimulating to you, or he was going to provide for you, or he could have taught you things you didn’t know. You fell in love because of something that man represented to you. Your man fell in love for a different reason. He fell in love because of how you made him feel physically and emotionally.
The problem is that as you struggle to communicate with each other, your man inevitably will disappoint you. It will happen. When he isn’t the greatest father that you pictured, or he doesn’t provide well for you, he makes a big mistake, or he doesn’t do whatever thing that you thought you fell in love with, he falls off the white horse that you put him on. That is a big deal, because you may not know how to get him back on that horse so that you can feel good about him again. You may not even understand why you don’t love him anymore.
So, before you let expectations ruin a loving relationship, see if you can’t find another great reason to love the man you were attracted to instead of finding a new man. I guarantee that the next one has a very high chance of falling of the white horse, too. You may not know how to keep him on the horse in your mind, so keep him on the horse in your heart by noticing his great qualities all the time. If you can’t get him on the horse, you won’t want to make love to him. I wish it were not true, but this is a fact that is helpful to know. Love your man even when he not your hero. Help him climb back on the horse.
Here are some exercises for you: Make the following commitments to yourself:
I will allow my partner to be a man. I will love him for who he is and appreciate his qualities.
List your partner’s qualities on a piece of paper. Looking at his qualities written down is far more powerful than just thinking about them.
You are going to experience tension. I can nearly guarantee it. So have a quick list of ways to release tension so that you are relaxed when you want to get close to your partner.
Here are some suggested “Ways to Release Tension:”
- Take a hot bath. Hot water will do wonders for you. Something about washing shifts the mood, too, as if you are washing away the burdens of the day. Being in water is also very grounding, which helps considerable when you are tense.
- Massage. Of course! You desire to be touched in a non-sexual way. Being touched shifts your focus to your body, helps you relax, moves energy freely through your body and stimulates breathing.
- Lie down. You can become overwhelmed. Sometimes you may not know when to say enough is enough. If you feel stressed, rest, clear your mind. Let everything go for a while.
- Write down your feelings. Strangely enough studies show that talking to friends about our problems doesn’t improve our mood. Yet, writing about them does. It has a different effect on the brain because it engages a different area. Next time you want to tell your girlfriends about a problem, consider writing about it. You will feel better.
- Watch a movie. Distraction is good. Let then tension go for now.
- Have sex. Sometimes tension in the body is sexual tension that you didn’t realize that’s what is was.
- Laughter releases tension. Laugh hard and laugh often. Hold nothing back! Laughter is good exercise and fills you with oxygen. It releases good chemicals. When you laugh it exercises your vaginal muscles. Try laughing while you feel your vagina with your fingers. When a man is being funny and making you laugh, he is sending blood to your vagina and making it contract. Your vagina contracts along with your vocal cords, even while you talk.
- Exercise; it releases built-up energy.
- Scream, cry, make noise, and let the frustration out in a sound. These activities increase circulation in the body and move energy. They also stimulate the vaginal walls to move and receive blood.
- Light some candles and listen to nice music.
- Take a gentle walk.
- Do a favorite activity such as read a book, sew, or do a puzzle.
The point here is that there are many ways to bring the mind down and breathe in a relaxed state. If you can do this in the evening before going to bed, you will be much more open for sex and orgasm. If you are unable to let go, and you try to control how things around you are going, it will get in the way of great orgasms and bonding with your partner.
One last note on tension: When you are tense, it is a bad time to speak with your partner. Please use one of the relaxation techniques before you converse with your partner on a sensitive subject. You might even want to write about it first. Hopefully your man can handle holding the garbage bag while you vomit your emotions at him. But how wonderful would it be for your relationship if he didn’t see you emotionally vomiting often?
One last exercise: Make this commitment: I will accept what I cannot change without allowing it to upset me and cause tension.
List two examples of things that commonly upset you that you will accept as out of your control to change and that you will not allow to upset you.
Focus on positive thoughts and have more sex. It is good for your health and your relationship!